.spiritual complacency.

A few weeks ago, my pastor, Pastor Keith Cowart of Christ Community Church, began a study of 1 Corinthians and has been leading the body through an understanding of who God is and what Paul was trying to convey within this particular book. Last week, we learned that the cross itself was a symbol of sin and condemnation to the Jews that witnessed Christ's life and ultimate death. Pastor Keith made it clear that the Jews considered it an abomination to worship anyone who was crucified on the cross and equated it to Americans today worshiping someone who was killed in the electric chair--it was a joke and completely unheard of during that time. To the Greeks, Jesus' crucifixion was also a joke because they decided to make gods of themselves (thus, Greek mythology) and worshiped mere humans that displayed ideal qualities their cultured idealized. For the rest of us (today), the cross is a symbol of love, sacrifice, and renewal. I personally feel convicted to remind myself that the whole purpose of last week's message was to awaken us to the very core of who Jesus is and what He did for us. Without the bloody sacrifice, we would not have life and life abundantly. Without the death of the Son, we could not love.

This week, Keith really pushed me to challenge myself as a Christian and decide what about myself made me different from non-Christians. He made a wonderful point when he stated that the morale of Christians and non-Christians are not greatly different. What impression are we leaving as Christians on those who don't believe? How are we living that makes non-believers say "I HAVE to have what they have." It is NOT enough for us to simply be nice people. It is not enough to simply open doors for people, smile at those who pass us, or even give to those who need. In my own personal experiences, my non-Christian friends do all of those things. My non-Christian friends are wonderful people who love me for who I am (sometimes, even more than those who are believers) and go out of their way to make sure I am okay and happy. So what is it that God is calling us to do?  Of course, the answer to that question is very dependent upon each of us who are convicted, but I pray that we would all decide and discover what it is we must do in order to further the kingdom of God and transform those who aren't following the Word of God into people who are head over heels in love with the God that sacrificed His son for the sake of all mankind.

Keith also enlightened me about who Paul was. As the founding minister of the Corinthian church, Paul was an educated man. He attended a university within Tarsus and proved himself to be an intelligent, humble, yet timid man. 2 Corinthians 10:10 tells us that Paul was not a confident man. His speech is described as unimpressive and that his speaking amounts to nothing. And 2 Corinthians 12:7-8 tells us that Paul may have had a physical ailment, and this may be why the Corinthians didn't take Paul seriously. He describes this ailment as a thorn that he begged God to take away. However, Paul quickly realizes that God implanted this "thorn" in order to "keep [him] from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations." If Paul was perfect (physically), he would have been conceited and self-absorbed and would have missed the revelations God was revealing to him. Knowing this, we can learn that all that God does is IN HIS PLAN. Because in verse 9 of the same chapter, we read that God responded to Paul by telling him "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." God does not refuse grace for any of us, and it is within our weaknesses that God can perform perfect miracles and display His power. In verse 10, Paul rejoices and says "That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." What a strong statement! Paul understands here that all that we are and all that we endure is simply a part of what God has for us. Rather than feeling pity or self-loathing about what thorns may be in our lives (whether physically, emotionally, or spiritually), we should rejoice in the fact that God is doing His great work and know that while we are weak, He is strong. When we are at our least, God can do the most work. I pray for myself and for those reading this that God would enlighten us to understand His love and know for a fact that He has no plans to abandon us--He will never withhold mercy and grace. I pray that we would all rejoice in times of pain and know, without a doubt, that although it is raining, so is God's mercy.

Along the same lines, I want to make a confession. I confess that often times, I do what I do in order to bring glory to myself and not to God. I am a very proud person. I am proud to have graduated college and work for my money and have the relationships I have. And in turn, I like talking about those things in relation to myself and how they make me feel. But I need to stop and realize WHY I have all of those things. It is only because of Christ Jesus that I was able to have the opportunity to do these things. So, this is yet another conviction I experienced today and is something I want to focus on as a follower. This is a lesson that I'm learning based on the written words of Paul. He stated in 1 Corinthians 1:17 that God sent him to preach the gospel but not with words of human wisdom because if it were based on human wisdom, the cross of Christ would be emptied of its power. This teaches us that God expects us to put our faith in His power and not in human wisdom. For all humans will fail us, but God is the only one who will prevail throughout the storms of life.

In closing, I want to pray that God will enlighten us all. Because at some point, we all reach (or have reached) a place of spiritual complacency. I definitely will admit that I've been there recently but am refusing to be there any longer. As humans of habit, we don't like change. But sometimes, change is exactly what we need. We need to change our patterns of thinking, our motivation, and our reason for living. What does the cross mean for you? What is it you're doing to enlighten non-believers to the life they're missing out on? In the midst of hardships, who are you turning to? Are you allowing your life to bring glory to God or to yourself? Who are you putting your faith in--human wisdom or the promise of the Almighty?

As Keith stated today, God not only wants to be at the top of our "to do" list, He wants to be the Lord of everything else that's on that list. He is, after all, the source of our identity, our strength, and our wisdom. He is ALL we need.

.searching for peace.

Sundays are fairly busy days for my sweetie and I. We make it a point to attend church (we <3 our church, btw), we have lunch with his family (and sometimes, play games to relax), we attend a Bible study together at 3, and now, we've added Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University to the agenda. We firmly believe that Sunday should be a day of rest, and although we aren't always laying in bed resting, our schedule is full of necessities that offer peace are preparing us for what God may bring our way.

Now, it's no secret that Sean and I want to get married as soon as we feel God's permission and blessing. And we've felt that lately. We know that God supports us and is leading us to a life together. And since we don't believe in long engagements, we have chosen not to get engaged until right before we plan to get married. In short, we'll set a date for ourselves and get engaged based off of that date and how long we (or I) will need to plan the wedding. I say all this to say that Sean and I don't think it's too early to prepare for our future together. I mentioned an interest in wanting to go through the FPU program alone to Sean's mother, and she looked up where the classes were offered locally. I was positive Sean wouldn't be interested, but he jumped onto the bandwagon and signed up even before I did! It was very encouraging and exciting for me...for us! Neither of us are completely responsible with money, so even if a few aspects of the program didn't apply to us, it couldn't hurt in any way.

So our first class was this past Sunday. It was eye-opening, alarming, and encouraging. Ramsey uses statistics, visual aids, and humor to get his point across and to stress the importance of saving money, investing money, and spending wisely. With it being the first class, Ramsey didn't delve too deep into the idea of how to save and how to invest and how to cut credit cards out of your life, but he did display that his knowledge is reputable and that he is a great financial mentor. In the words of Zig Ziglar, "If you do the things you need to do when you need to do them, then someday you can do the things you want to do when you want to do them." Both of us are super excited about enduring this class together.  :)

For those of you who don't know, I may be finishing this 13-week FPU class alone because Sean intends to join the Army within the next 6-8 weeks. This, too, is exciting yet hard to face. Of course, both of us have military fathers, but my dad was out by the time I was a young child. So I think the harsh reality of him leaving will hit me pretty hard, but I'm excited about what God will do in Sean's life, as well as our life together.

.preparation.

On May 10, 2010, I was the first one in my family to graduate from college. I was the proudest I'd ever been the night I graduated in front of the people I cared most about--the people that helped strengthen and encourage me along the way. I was glad to bring glory to God and to the Gideon name, and I was glad to have completed that phase of my life. I went to college for the same reasons that any other person goes--I wanted a life greater than that of a non-graduate. I wanted more opportunity for myself than what was offered to my parents who didn't have the chance to even complete grade school. And I know they wanted that for me, too. It was sensible and available to me to set myself up for success. So I did. But when I chose to go to college (and to become a teacher), there were schools waiting for graduates to receive their certification--jobs waiting for future educators. Little did I know, the economy (and really, the world) would change for the worst after I finished my undergraduate degree. It was no longer encouraged to gain a higher education; it was cheaper to hire those with lower degrees. It was no longer a competition based on credentials and teaching style; it became more about who you knew and what connections you had on the inside. It was no longer about living comfortably; it was about barely getting by.

The last four months have been very trying and discouraging for me. After five interviews (at schools) and countless job applications, I'm still not working a permanent job. I'm still scraping by week by week praying that God will provide the means for me to pay my bills and take care of myself and my surroundings. I never thought this is what my life would look like after graduation. I never thought the burden of my accumulated student loans would be such a...burden. Life wasn't supposed to look this way. College was supposed to make life easier. I was supposed to be happy. So...what happened?

Somewhere, somehow, God decided to make a disciple out of me. This happened many years ago, but it's these trying days that He is preparing me for something greater than I can imagine. I am confident that He had to break me down to my bare minimum in order to create in me the character that I need to possess. There's no way for me to know what's coming, but I trust that God's provision for my life is going to be miraculous and wonderful. It's a trying time, and I'm here now to share my journey. Jesus didn't die for me to live a perfect life--He died for me to live a life of forgiveness and freedom. I once was lost, but a shepherd came along and directed my ways. I was tied in chains but am now freed from the captivity in which I was once bound. So now, all that's left to do is seek God with all of my heart and allow Him to hear my desires. Easy...right? All I know is that when there's nothing left, God can do the most work. Here's to waking up, listening, and preparing.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile." -Jeremiah 29: 11-15