.preparation.

On May 10, 2010, I was the first one in my family to graduate from college. I was the proudest I'd ever been the night I graduated in front of the people I cared most about--the people that helped strengthen and encourage me along the way. I was glad to bring glory to God and to the Gideon name, and I was glad to have completed that phase of my life. I went to college for the same reasons that any other person goes--I wanted a life greater than that of a non-graduate. I wanted more opportunity for myself than what was offered to my parents who didn't have the chance to even complete grade school. And I know they wanted that for me, too. It was sensible and available to me to set myself up for success. So I did. But when I chose to go to college (and to become a teacher), there were schools waiting for graduates to receive their certification--jobs waiting for future educators. Little did I know, the economy (and really, the world) would change for the worst after I finished my undergraduate degree. It was no longer encouraged to gain a higher education; it was cheaper to hire those with lower degrees. It was no longer a competition based on credentials and teaching style; it became more about who you knew and what connections you had on the inside. It was no longer about living comfortably; it was about barely getting by.

The last four months have been very trying and discouraging for me. After five interviews (at schools) and countless job applications, I'm still not working a permanent job. I'm still scraping by week by week praying that God will provide the means for me to pay my bills and take care of myself and my surroundings. I never thought this is what my life would look like after graduation. I never thought the burden of my accumulated student loans would be such a...burden. Life wasn't supposed to look this way. College was supposed to make life easier. I was supposed to be happy. So...what happened?

Somewhere, somehow, God decided to make a disciple out of me. This happened many years ago, but it's these trying days that He is preparing me for something greater than I can imagine. I am confident that He had to break me down to my bare minimum in order to create in me the character that I need to possess. There's no way for me to know what's coming, but I trust that God's provision for my life is going to be miraculous and wonderful. It's a trying time, and I'm here now to share my journey. Jesus didn't die for me to live a perfect life--He died for me to live a life of forgiveness and freedom. I once was lost, but a shepherd came along and directed my ways. I was tied in chains but am now freed from the captivity in which I was once bound. So now, all that's left to do is seek God with all of my heart and allow Him to hear my desires. Easy...right? All I know is that when there's nothing left, God can do the most work. Here's to waking up, listening, and preparing.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile." -Jeremiah 29: 11-15